Reasons why I’m glad I’m single:

1. Boys are rubbish. FACT.
2. The only person who can embarrass is yourself.
3. You can always have dessert (or both sausage and bacon in a fry-up for that matter haha) without anyone calling you a fat fuck.
4. You can wear what you want, do what (or who) you want, go where you like and not have to put up with dickheads if you don’t want to.
5. You can perv on hot girls without anyone giving you shit for it.

In all fairness, in a good relationship you shouldn’t have to worry about any of these things anyway!! Okay, so the reasons I’ve listed above are kinda silly and stuff so I’m gonna lay it out there for y’all: the main reason I’m happy being single is I’ve yet to meet anyone that can keep up with me and I’m not going to settle for someone less than an equal. Why the fuck should I?

Happy Valentines Day to all my beautiful friends. I love you guys.

Thanks to a friend at the super-awesome Filmstar Magazine I was able to attend a preview screening of the new horror-flick Dorian Gray. I’m not a massive fan of horror flicks to be honest; they have to be really really good for me to enjoy them. And Dorian Gray fell into the exact same trap that irritates me with so many other horror films. It’s a simple thing but it does wind me up so. Unneccesary special effects. I have no idea why some directors do it but they use cheap looking special effects when a bit of thought and a lot less money could produce something infinitely more scary.

With Dorian Gray, the whole thing fell down with the painting. A bit of a crucial area, no? As soon as they animated the painting and made it snarl at the camera, my heart sank and the whole thing just reeked of Ghostbusters II. It is my firm belief that no film based on an Oscar Wilde novel should ever remind you of Ghostbusters II. Perhaps if they had just kept it as an aging painting and focussed more on the horror of Dorian’s hedonistic debauchery, murders and homosexuality (these being the things which led to Dorian’s downfall in the book),  then it would have been more scary and less faintly ridiculous.

Many a good horror film has been ruined by shoddy special effects. You can see they have the best intentions but sometimes you have to have facts: no matter how much money you pump into it; if it doesn’t work then it simply doesn’t work. Ginger Snaps is a good case in point. I really enjoyed that film… right up until the end when they felt they had to show the werewolf. No, no you didn’t. It looked shit.

One of my all-time favourite horror films is The Haunting. No, not the piece-of-shit Catherine Zeta-Jones remake. It is genuinely one of the scariest films I’ve ever seen and the vast majority of that hinges on amazing sound effects. My brief bit of research on Wikipedia just now claims that “There is not a single drop of blood in the entire film.” I haven’t seen it for many years so I can’t personally vouch for that as I have a dreadful memory but I highly recommend you watch it for yourself. Alone. In the dark.

And so, a brief little porno mention for all my smut-lovers out there. I mentioned in a previous post about our horror-porno-parody featuring Kerry Louise. Well, now we have a nifty little micro-site up where you can see images and little clips from each episode of Screwed. Wooo! ‘Citing, no?

(DISCLAIMER: Last 2 links are NSFW)

***Thanks to Sam Ashurst for the title of this blog***

To cap off the relentless round of parties that has been this summer is the mega line-up that is this bank holiday’s Eastern Electrics festival. Nuke ‘Em All are hosting a stage this year, with everybody’s favourite ginger Neon Skullz sure to be a highlight, alongside regulars and guest faces whilst Club Trailer Trash also helm a stage for the second year running. They’ve managed to rope in Riton (he of Modular and DFA fame) into headlining so it’s sure to be one of the best party-in-a-car-park you’ve ever graced your prescence with. The third and final stage is being put on by Neon Noise Project so honestly, what the fuck are you doing still reading this? GO BUY A TICKET NOW!

Full Line Up

Trailer Trash: Riton, Riva Starr, Hannah Holland, Mowgli, Mikki Moist and Ian Robinson

Nuke ‘Em All: Radioclit Feat MC Ears, Drums Of Death, Fonteyn, Buster Bennett, Raffertie and Neon Skullz

Neon Noise Project: Yuksek, Alex Metric, K.I.M., JBAG & Andrea Gorgerino and Warboy

Click here for secret location

As the good people at PopPorn say “I can’t decide what I liked better – the visual of the doll “fingering” Jade Houston or the part where the dude puts a drink in her hand, which has got to be one of the absolute saddest things I’ve ever seen in my life. Getting a sex doll drunk so she’ll screw you?” That bit is actually done really weirdly. Actually it’s all done weirdly. They stroke her hair, give her a bath (which by way is my favourite bit), we think she may even be doing yoga at one point. It’s like 3 minutes 14 of utter WTF.

I thought at first it might be a piss take. But no. You can watch it on Hot Movies. No joke.

(Via @PopPornBlog. Follow them on twitter to get the news straight away!)